“Tell me about yourself,” is something we all respond to on a daily basis. Whether you’re applying for a new job or meeting a new friend. Tell me about yourself, is often followed by a simple response. When you’re asked to talk about yourself for your adoption parent profile, the brakes screech. Suddenly, you don’t remember who you are or what you enjoy doing outside of work. You don’t know if you should talk about your obsession with Marvel or how you binge watch Netflix every weekend. Who should you be in order for a birth parent to pick you? How can you stand out from the rest and still talk about yourself?

Being yourself and being relatable are the keys to being matched with a birth parent. When you’re asked to write your “About Tom” chapter in your profile, don’t put the brakes on. Tell me about yourself, with no hesitation or overthinking. Pretending to be the “cool kid” in school won’t win over birth parents, but being relatable will. What feels insignificant to you, maybe the one thing that stands out to a birth parent, like the name of your pet.

The adoption triad is a triangle, each end connected. What is often misunderstood, is the belief that adoption is what ties each end together, creating the triangle. I believe, what brings the lines of the triangle together are the unforeseen situations the adoptive couple and the birth parents find themselves in, it’s not the adoption itself. More often than not, adoptive couples have experienced years of infertility and now face an uncontrollable reality. Birth parents, after reading a positive pregnancy test, are also faced with an uncontrollable reality. Now I understand there are other options for birth parents, as there are other options for couples to become parents, but what keeps the triangle together is not the placement—it’s the common thread of fate and loss.

Adoptive couples and birth parents are alike; there is a need on every side of the triad. Birth parents want to hear that you binge watch Netflix because that’s what they are doing on the weekends. Tell a birth parent about yourself, as if you were answering a new friend or neighbor. Be yourself.